She adds that she had always “hated” the surname she inherited from her father, which included a profanity that she was teased for at school. “I didn’t want to be associated with it,” she says.
Changing her surname to match her mother’s felt like a relief and Maggie says she now feels “more like myself”.
“I wanted to be part of my mum’s family,” she says.
Dr Becca Bland, a family counsellor and coach specialising in estrangement, says that people who are distanced from a relative or are estranged might choose to change their surname as a psychological defence mechanism to “help you separate yourself from something that could be problematic or traumatic”.
She says changing their name would mean they wouldn’t have to keep repeating a surname that they may associate with bad memories or that they felt connected them to a family they didn’t identify with.
People who are estranged from their parents may feel a range of emotions, including grief, loss and a sense of freedom, says Dr Lucy Blake at University of the West of England, whose research focuses on family relationships. It can be an isolating experience because people worry about facing judgement from others, she says.
Blake dismissed criticism that some younger people are cutting ties with relatives “without much thought”. Research shows that adults who estrange themselves from relatives often do so “with a great amount of care and consideration over time,” she says.
If people want to change their names in England and Wales, they have two options. The cheaper option is by unenrolled deed poll, which a person can do by themselves or through a private company for a fee. You can also change it by enrolled deed poll, meaning there’s a public record of it, through the High Court for £53.05 ($71).
If you were born or adopted in Northern Ireland, external, you can either change your name by deed poll or recording a change of name in the presence of a legal representative, which costs £35.
If you were born or adopted in Scotland, you can change your name by sending an application to the National Records of Scotland, external, which costs £40.
Changing your surname can come with some hurdles.
In England, Wales and Scotland, if you are under the age of 16 you need the consent, external of everyone with parental responsibility for you.
Maggie says she waited until 16 to make the change, when she did not need her father’s consent.
“It was so frustrating when I was so sure it was something I wanted to do,” she says.
You also have to update government bodies and companies including the Passport Office, DVLA, the Student Loans Company, your banks and your GP.
For Hannah, in California, changing her surname took around three months and cost her hundreds of dollars, including a $400 filing fee and $130 to put adverts in a local newspaper. She described the latter requirement as “so outdated and odd”.
